The Pieces of Me

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By the time they finished breakfast the food had gone cold, but Clint swore it was still better than what he had been living on the past few weeks.  Afterwards, as tempting as it was to stay in bed all day, he had struggled into his clothes and met her in the kitchen while she cleaned up.  A shower and a change of clothes sounded like about the best thing ever at that point, and he had been pleasantly surprised when she told him he didn’t have to go far to accomplish that.

Despite his absence Tony had made sure that Clint had his own apartment inside the tower as well, and he hadn’t taken care of just the furnishings.  There would be clothes in the closet as well, and likely in the proper size.  Tony had probably stolen his measurements from his SHIELD file for uniforms.

Clint had insisted that he would be back, that he wasn’t planning to stay in his new place, but Natasha had accompanied him anyway to the room.  He didn’t argue.

“Have you seen the place?” he asked as he stopped outside of the door.  “Should I be scared?”

Comments

[broken_arrow]

Her breathing was ragged when they parted and, jesus, did she just shiver? Seeing that look in her eyes Clint felt his resolve crumbling.

There were so many reasons to not rush back into this. They were both lost and confused... but then wouldn’t finding comfort in the one person who understood make sense? They were both injured... but they had both had it much worse and gone at it much harder in the past. There was a shift in their relationship they hadn’t discussed yet... but didn’t they always talk better with their bodies than their words?

No, he was going to walk away, going to suggest they look at the rest of the place, or maybe that she should go pack a few things if she was going to stay with him. That was the intention, but what he said was “I could use a shower,” and he still held her close as he said it, his voice giving the words a different connotation than he had intended.

[bozhemoi]

Natasha wasn't sure how she was supposed to take his comment. She wasn't sure if it was just the fact that she was still so caught up in the effect of the kiss, or if he was genuinely alluding to having a shower together.

There was a niggle in the back of her mind telling her that he probably wasn't. He wouldn't. Both of them needed to be more sensible than that. He'd pulled back for a reason. She had pushed too early. She just gazed at him quietly for a long moment before she tried to pull back some more.

But her feet didn't move and so neither did the rest of her. "Alone?" Because she really did need to get it through to her brain and the rest of her that he more than likely meant alone. "I should pack... I should go--there's things to, ah, pack."

[broken_arrow]

Clint wasn’t really sure how he had mean the comment. He knew how he had intended to mean it, but it hadn’t come out quite right, and he definitely didn’t know how he wanted her to take it. It just felt so damn good to have her in his arms again, to taste her and breathe her in, and he wasn’t good enough of a liar to say he didn’t want more. He wanted to bury himself inside of her, feel her tremble beneath him, feel her comfortable weight on top of him. He wanted to test all those secret places and see if they still made her moan or shiver or dig her nails into his skin.

Damn, if he kept up that thinking then he better decide real quick what kind of shower this was going to be: a shared one or a very cold one.

She was asking the question and he tried to answer but she was already making excuses as if to run, though her body didn’t follow. “Yeah, uh... I’ll just...” he gestured over his shoulder with a nod of his head in the direction he presumed the bathroom to be.

It was ridiculous, they were acting ridiculous, but he didn’t want to let her go, didn’t want to let her out of his sight. He had been too long without her, too long alone, and he didn’t want to go back to that again so soon.

[bozhemoi]

Natasha heard his words. She watched him nod. The intention was there for him to move just as it had been for her, and yet they were still standing together. They really were acting ridiculous. She wasn't sure if an unwillingness to end an embrace could be chalked up to trauma, but they both had been under a lot of pressure. Eventually they were bound to crack, they just never could have predicted it would happen like this.

Natasha bit her lip briefly before she leaned in again and kissed his brow, then his cheek, and his jaw. Being this close to him was comforting. It's why she'd wanted to stay close. To share a bed. She had been looking after him but just being near him again was good for her.

She brought her head up to nudge him gently with her nose, her eyes questioning him silently. Even her eyebrow was lifted just enough to say: I will, if you will.

She wanted to shower with him. She wanted a chance to explore his body without it being purely about tending his wounds. She wanted to check that nothing had changed, that it was all as she remembered. That she could find the grooves and ridges that reacted to her touch alone.

[broken_arrow]

It had gotten harder and harder to leave her over the years, but having Loki mess with his head had just about done him in. He had spent a long time afterwards with nightmares, a long time worrying that he wasn’t fixed, that something would happen and flip a switch, or that the god would return for him. Natasha reminded him who he was, she made him feel like he was still worth of trust. She had helped assuage his guilt, had been there for him whenever she could, but she had had work to do and every mission she was sent on tore him apart a little inside.

Now they had both lost everything they had known and all they could really trust was each other. He knew the kind of codependency he was feeling wasn’t healthy, but they had only just found each other again. It would fade, things would get better, so what harm could there really be in indulging in that comfort for now?

Clint closed his eyes at her fleeting kisses and when he opened them again there was no mistaking her look. Hesitating only a second longer he took a step backwards.

Keeping his arms around Natasha he pulled her gently with him.

[bozhemoi]

Natasha let out a breath she had been holding when the decision was made and Clint started to move. She even smiled and ducked her head briefly. Only he was capable of making her feel like she was a teenager that still got nervous in those first few moments. It wasn't like they hadn't seen each other naked. It wasn't like they hadn't been together before. But it was still exciting and worth the anticipation.

She kissed him softly on the lips and corrected his course only once when it seemed he might unintentionally pull them into a closet rather than the bathroom. There was nothing wrong with being dependent on each other right now. Natasha needed him to anchor her after everything that had happened.

Because if she had no Clint there to trust and to keep her steady, then she really was in danger of cracking. As much as she was capable of completing missions without him, she still needed to be able to return to him. To know he was there. To know they both survived.

They reached the bathroom and Natasha moved out of the embrace just enough so that she could start to undress him. She was careful with his shoulder as she got him out of his shirt, her fingers running over his skin but this time it was with reverence, not the concern of someone checking for wounds.

[broken_arrow]

Seeing Natasha look almost bashful for a moment was damn near adorable, not that he would ever say so to her face. They were assassins, they weren’t supposed to be adorable or cute or sweet. They were cold and calculating and efficient, or at least Black Widow and Hawkeye were. Right now, though, they were simply Natasha and Clint

Clint let her steer their course, realising he wasn’t the best one to be leading here since it was his first time in the apartment. She had been here before, many times, setting it up for him, preparing it as if the more of his stuff she filled it with the better the chance it would draw him home.

Maybe it had worked after all.

Once they reached the washroom he had to reluctantly let her go, but she easily made up for the loss. His eyes never left her face as she started to undress him, and while she had looked at him and touched him while bandaging him up, that was entirely different than now. She wasn’t looking at him with a clinical eye, not with concern nor guilt, and her touch was more exploratory, more admiring. They would have to remove the bandages, and that might put a bit of a damper on things, but they had both seen much worse, so it wasn’t like it would be enough to make her shy away.

[bozhemoi]

She always paid special attention to his scars. Some she had been present for, taken care of him just as she had taken care of him the night before. Others he had told her the story of. She knew them as well as she knew her own. She leaned down to press a kiss to a small scar that sat on his pectoral muscle. It had been the scar that helped trigger their first night together. The turning point in their partnership, even if now seemed like an even bigger turning point.

But they weren't quite there yet, and maybe it would come once they had finally given into their physical impulses. Her eyed had stayed dark, her gaze rarely straying from the path of her fingers but when it did they looked up at his face, watching for his reactions.

It was true that the bandages would need to come off and she started with his shoulder, trying to be as gentle as she could be. This wasn't about the ripping off of clothes, or rushing. This was about refamiliarising and reassuring each other.

[broken_arrow]

Clint shivered under the kiss; the scar and the skin immediately surrounding it was still numb after all these years, and the touch left a tingling sensation that he always enjoyed. He remembered the moment he’d gotten that wound, remembered what it had led to. He had tried to keep their relationship platonic, had tried to ignore his growing attraction to her, but when she’d made the first move that night he had given in without hesitation.

He couldn’t say he’d never regretted it, but he certainly didn’t regret it anymore.

Holding his breath while she carefully removed the bandage, he distracted himself by slipping his fingers under the hem of her shirt, fingertips sliding along her skin as he slowly pushed the material upwards.

[bozhemoi]

There had been a couple of days after that night she'd questioned whether she'd done the right thing. Whether she might lose Clint for good because he realised getting tangled up with her was a mistake after all. He hadn't. He hadn't told her no, he hadn't pushed her away. That was when she realised she could never go back to sleeping with strangers, to having to pretend that she wanted them when all she had wanted was to be with Clint again.

He had spoiled her for anyone else, and she was never going to be apologetic about that. It did, however, mean that soon or later they both had to contront the fact that maybe it was more than just a partners with benefits deal.

She lifted up her arms so that he could get her shirt off, taking the opportunity to run her fingers through his hair after she'd put the bandage aside. Her breathing had become more rapid, her lips parted as she took in shallow breaths. She dropped her hands to his waistband, fingers curling into it.

[broken_arrow]

That first morning after Clint had wondered if they had made a mistake. Would things be awkward now? Was it just a one night stand they would never speak of again? Would she treat him differently? The worries had turned out to be unfounded, and it had become more of a natural progression in their relationship, just the next logical step.

The problem eventually became that they hadn’t known how to get to the next one. They would have to talk, sooner or later, but definitely not now.

Lifting her shirt up over her head, his eyes traveled over the exposed skin, drinking her in, before settling on the wound in her shoulder that almost matched his, albeit a much better cared for version. Ducking his head he placed the softest of kisses over it as his hands wrapped around her waist, slowly sliding upward to trace the edges of her bra. Her hands had made their way to his pants, and he gave the slightest nod, his fingers tracing up her spine to find the clasp of her bra and open it in one smooth movement.

[bozhemoi]

He would always be good with his hands. It was something she had grown to appreciate. A trait she often attributed to his being an archer. She turned her head just a little to flick out her tongue against his ear in appreciation before she undid his fly and worked on getting his pants down over his hips.

She sucked in a quiet breath as the bra came loose, her forehead coming to rest against his as she let his pants do the rest of the work and fall to the floor while she moved her arms to let the bra slide down them.

One arm snaked around his neck so she could press her breasts against his chest and initiate a slow, thorough kiss as she drank in the sensation. She slipped her other arm around his waist, her hand travelling down as she gave his ass a gentle squeeze and smiled against his mouth.

[broken_arrow]

Clint was thankful to be wearing loose pants instead of jeans so there was no awkward struggle to get out of them; instead they pooled easily around his ankles and he was able to step out of them. Natasha’s bra dropped just as easily to the floor, but before he could get his hands on her perfect breasts she was pressing herself against him and kissing him deeply. Any disappointment he might have felt vanished immediately with the feel of her skin against his and the way she explored his mouth.

The hand on his ass and the smile that accompanied it earned a smile from him as well.

Not one to be outdone, Clint wasted no time in sliding his hands down her sides to her hips where he caught the waistband of her pants and pushed them down her legs.

[bozhemoi]

Natasha's clothing needed a little more aid than Clint's, but soon she was stepping out of her pants and kicking them to the side. Her hands were back on his body and she let her palms glide over his hips and torso. It really did feel like it had been too long since they'd last been able to explore each other's flesh.

Finally she broke the kiss to catch her breath, smiling again as she looked at him. There was an easing of tension in her body that came from being close to him, that came from being with Clint like this. As if the world made sense again just because he was here with her.

She let out a slow breath before leaning in, her mouth traveling along his jawline before she flicked her tongue against his earlobe and drew it into her mouth.

[broken_arrow]

As they caught their breath, with their eyes locked and their movements stilled, the air between them was electric. Before yesterday it had been a few months since they had been in the same room together and almost as long since they had even spoken. Being together again, skin on skin and breaths intermingling, was almost intoxicating and Clint was glad when Natasha moved in again as for a second he thought he might just drown in her eyes.

His arms instantly encircled her again, and he let out a happy sigh as he held her close. A sigh that turned into a groan when she started teasing his ear, a spot she knew well that really got to him.

Grabbing her ass he lifted her from the floor before turning and setting her on the counter, his hands traveling down her thighs where they now rested on either side of his hips.

[bozhemoi]

Natasha turned her feet so her toes could rub the backs of his legs. She raked her fingernails against his scalp as she pushed her fingers through his hair, her mouth and tongue finding his earlobe once more.

She gave a soft moan of her own at the taste of his salted skin before she leaned back on the counter, and pushed her breasts up in invitation as one foot continued to rub his leg. Any pause they took seemed to be charged with electricity and wanting.

Never again did she want the months to pass without him by her side or between her thighs. Her eyes were almost jet black now as she gazed at him, her eyelids becoming hooded. She reached out, fingertip tracing his mouth. "Always you... Only you."

[broken_arrow]

Her nails along his scalp, her tongue against his ear... jesus, she was undoing him. It really had been far too long, and when she leaned back to present her body to him like that he couldn’t help another involuntary sound of pleasure.

Slowly he ran his hands back up her thighs and over her hips, loving the contrast of her smooth, creamy skin under his rough, tanned hands. Over her ribs his fingers dance, worshipping every part of her, but before he could reach his prize she touched a finger to his lips, drawing his gaze back to meet hers. The expression he was met with was staggering.

Clint had wondered if he was the only one who felt as he did; if it was only him that had given up on anyone else, only him that waited until they were together again instead of dealing with the dissatisfaction of a one night stand. The look in her eyes proved otherwise, even without the words. She waited for him too, this was just as exclusive for her as it was for him.

His heart was hammering as he softly kissed her fingertip before drawing it into his mouth and sucking gently. His eyes never left hers, not when he gave that finger a little nip, nor when he dropped it. Only when he leaned in to kiss her did he finally break the gaze.

He couldn’t find the words to say it back, not even as simple as “me too”, so he tried to pour everything into that kiss, tried to let her know with his mouth when he kissed her before trailing his lips down over her jaw, her neck, before finally reaching her breasts. Flicking his tongue over one pert nipple he drew it into his mouth while his hand treated the other, cupping her soft mounds and rubbing his thumb over her nipple. She was his, as much as she could be anyone’s but her own, and he wanted to claim every inch of her body just as he wanted to be entirely possessed by her.

[bozhemoi]

Her own heartbeat started to race as he teased at her finger. The heat that had covered her whole body started to pool between her thighs and there was no ignoring the need that was fast pulling her down into a haze where nothing else mattered except his touch, his touch... only him.

It was as much of The Talk as was going to happen in this moment. It was her first little step and even then she wasn't sure she'd claim it had been concious. The words had been floating out in front of them before she could stop them. The kiss he gave her was all she needed though to know that it wasn't just her.

She was greedy for the kiss and made a small noise of protest when he pulled away but what came next was so much better. She arched as her legs wrapped around Clint, one hand staying on the counter as the other curled around the back of his neck.

The protests were no longer there, her next moan one that was low and full of yearning. If anyone was going to claim her she wanted it to be him. No one could elicit such noises, or make her so willing to lose control. She raked her nails down the back of his neck before pushing her fingers back up into his hair and gripping the short strands tightly as she let out another moan.

[broken_arrow]

It was so fucking hot seeing her like this. Natasha was usually so cool and restrained and Clint took great pride in causing her to let go. He loved that he could make her moan, make her grasp at him almost desperately. It was honest and it was pure, and god he wanted to drag his tongue over every inch of her, to reacquaint himself with her taste and rediscover all those hidden places that made her gasp and writhe. He wanted to, but it had been far too long since they had been together and he didn’t think he could hold out for anything slow. Later they would have all the time in the world, but right now he needed her, needed to sink into her heat and feel warm again, feel whole again, after so long of feeling cold and broken.

After lavishing the same attention on her other breast he worked his way back up to her lips, the kiss deceptively gentle in the midst of his desire. His hands slid back down to her thighs, his thumbs caressing the soft skin on the insides, just below the junction of her legs.

“Need you,” he whispered against her lips. He wanted her so bad, but only if she was ready. This wasn’t one of their adrenaline fueled fucks against the wall in some rundown motel; this was something else, something more.

[bozhemoi]

Natasha tried to pull herself back into the present long enough to nod, but it was difficult. Clint really was good at undoing her in all the right ways. She ran her tongue over her bottom as she sat up and cupped his face in her hands. This really was different. It wasn't about burning excess adrenalin or satisfying a base need. It was about the longing, and the wait. About closing the distance that had been between them and perhaps even showing each other exactly how they felt.

She smiled at Clint, her skin flushed and her eyes struggling to focus. But she held his gaze up until the moment she kissed him. It was as gentle as his had been, a tenderness creeping into it that Natasha hadn't demonstrated except when she was taking care of him after an injury.

Her forehead rest against his as one arm slipped from around his neck and she let her hand slide down his abdomen before her fingers wrapped around his hard length and she started to slowly stroke him. "Need you too."

[broken_arrow]

The way she was looking at him, or at least trying to look at him, tugged at his heart and he all but melted into the kiss. The last few months faded away until there was only this moment, only her kissing him so tenderly and sighing against him.

He only had a moment to meet her eyes again before his own drifted closed when she wrapped her fingers around him. Letting out a low moan his hips involuntarily bucked against her hand as she stroked him, tending to his long neglected needs. Sliding one hand higher he parted her folds with his fingers and slid them along the length of her slit, enjoying how hot and wet she felt, and all for him. Only for him, as she had said herself.

[bozhemoi]

Natasha moaned at the feel of his fingers, her body giving an involuntary shiver that had her curling her toes. Her own needs had been far from met in recent times. It was his touch she had wanted, not her own. She licked at her lips and tried to swallow but another moan escaped and she tried to pull him in closer with her legs.

"Clint--" So much could be said with just his name, with the tone of her voice as it wrapped around each letter. There was longing, and passion. Love, and trust. She needed him now. She needed the feel of more than his fingers. Another kiss, her tongue probing past his lips as her grip adjusted and she rubbed her thumb over the head of his cock.

[broken_arrow]

He took a half a step closer at her urgings, his breath hitching at her roaming hand. One word, just his name, spoke volumes about need and passion and the depth of feelings they had yet to truly express. His mouth felt dry and he couldn’t seem to form a reply, but soon she was kissing him again and there was no more need for words.

Moving his hands to her hips he pulled her closer to the edge of the counter while she guided him into position. It was tempting to drive into her all at once, but he made himself take it slow, sinking deeper and deeper into her welcoming heat and relishing in every second of it, every sensation.

It had been so long since they’d been together, since he’d been buried inside of her, their breath intermingling, their bodies pressed close. It was like coming home.

[bozhemoi]

Natasha exhaled and whispered his name again as he entered her. She broke the kiss as her forehead rest on his shoulder briefly and she took in the feel of him filling her once more. It had been so long and while it seemed the world around them had changed, this hadn't. It still felt right. Still felt like they belonged together.

There was an urge once more to say everything that had been building and lingering since Barton had appeared in her apartment the night before but the words were dying on her lips and the only thing that seemed to matter was their joined bodies.

Natasha teased her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and brought her head back up so she could look at him.

[broken_arrow]

For a long moment he didn’t move, just letting her adjust to him, letting himself enjoy the feeling of her muscles tight around him. Nothing else ever mattered when they were like this; not the past, not the future, not the world around them. There was only the present, only now, and only them, their bodies, their breaths, their heartbeats.

He met her gaze when she tilted her head back and he thought he could get lost in her eyes, so dark and expressive. Bringing one hand to her face he brushed her hair back behind her ear before cupping her cheek, his thumb brushing softly over her skin. “Tasha...” he murmured, otherwise unmoving.